From the beginning.

Before we can tell you about now, we have to tell you where we have come from. John and I met back in late 2001. We dated for a couple of months before it became apparent that our relationship was that extra bit special. It was not an easy courtship as we were separated by distance and most weeks only saw each other for about 8hrs, usually on the same day, as we lived an hour apart and neither of us could drive at the time.

But love prevailed and we decided that we were going to be together forever. We purchased (laybyed) the ring and kept it a huge secrete. But living with parent proved very hard to keep this secrete when it came to John.

Our families were shocked. My father was rude, insensitive and my stepmother even worse. I think my mother, who I was not really speaking to was the only one very happy. The reasons are too hurt full to post in the introduction.

We eventually tied the knot in April 2004 with the full blessings of our families. We had planned to start a family straight away, as my past medical history had shown that I had PCOS and I knew that the road to having a family was not going to be easy. Our families wanted us to wait. For a while leading up to the wedding and on the wedding day, we gave them this respect. But coming back from our honeymoon, something happened that changed everything. My Arthritis had come out of remission.

After finally getting into the specialists we were told that our treatment options would grimly effect our fertility. We went with the now or never approach. If only our family Dr would listen to us when we repeatedly asked for help, to be referred a specialist and testing ect. This Dr refused to take us seriously and told us to "Relax, stop thinking about it & just DTD every other day." "It will happen if you stop being in a rush to make it happen." He never took the words PCOS very seriously at all.

Thankfully my Rhuemetoligist took my plights to start a family seriously. He ran me through a whole battery of tests only to find I had yet another problem that can cause recurrent miscarriage. I had Anti Cardio Lupin antibodies or an Anti-phosphilipid syndrome. This did not happen until six months down the track and it was still another 2 months before I was put on low dose Aspirin to counter act it.

Fast forward to February 2005. It took a ruptured cyst to finally get the attention of the Dr's. I was then prescribed clomid for my next cycle, which too ended in a ruptured cyst. But worse this time around was the emotional back lash that the fertility med had caused.

"I remember distinctly being at a cousins wedding and having a total flip out because my loving farther in law had taken John to the toilet during the bridal waltz and I wanted to dance with him during it. To make matters worse, we had been told that no one out side the immediate family was to know what was going on. As they may ask questions. I must have looked like a complete control freak bitch!"

Our next cycle was much better. It was still with clomid, I actually ovulated with out a cyst. And I feared then and as I fear now that it ended in an early M/C. One will never know as the Gynecologist that I was seeing back then refused to do any progesterone and HCG tests, even though he was happy to dish out clomid like candy.

We then made the heart wrenching decision to stop the fertility treatments. I went back on the Pill & started Methotrexate. This was the toughest decision we had ever made together, we cried and held each other for hours on end. Still we were not meant to discuss this with anyone out side the family, but at the same time the family refused to discuss the issue either. They are still like this, but have loosened up a little bit more.